Thursday, May 31, 2007

5 Steps to Getting Your Balls Back

You've lost your balls to a woman or series of women. You know the signs:

  • You only hang out with your friends when she is going out with her friends. Of course, you have to be home before or at the same time as her.
  • You've given up your hobbies for hers.
  • You "negotiate" only watching one football game a weekend. The rest of the time is "fix up the house" time.
  • You ask permission to jack off.

Now, a 5 step program to get your balls back:

  1. Learn to say "No." Practice it in the mirror. Say it a lot, say it for no reason. "Honey, are you home?" Answer: "NO!!"
    Why? Because, you agree with her just because it makes life temporarily easier for you. The problem is, it makes life 10 times harder in the future. You are now, officially, a push over douche bag. Your respect level has diminished in her eyes, even though she got what she wanted.
  2. Join a team sport, even if you're old and decrepit.
    I prefer hockey, but you can do anything. Hell, play that pussy sport soccer if you feel like it. Getting back with a pack of males to compete and drink copious amounts of alcohol will drive up your TESTOSTERONE! This is critical to your male life.
    I know this will piss some people off, but being too honest and forthcoming with information to her actually turns her off AND lowers your standing in the relationship. Being honest with your feelings WILL be used against you later. Also, keeping some things to yourself gives you a feeling of having some private life. Which brings us to #4.
  4. Develop your own, separate, personal life.
    The first ball busting thing your wife / girlfriend is going to attempt is to coop your life. Joint friends, joint bank account, joint toilet, live together, sleep closer, eat closer.. the moral of this.. be one conjoined person. Get a bank account just for you. Get a credit card just for you. Have your own friends you don't share with her. I would say get a place of your own just for you, but most of you aren't mad ass rich like me.
  5. Stop negotiating.
    This is the best one yet. We negotiate everything. I can watch football if I do this or that around the house. I can go fishing if I wear panties while vacuuming the house. STOP THIS NOW. Why? Because you lose every time. Negotiation is the way that women implement change in you subversively. Typically, they wish to make everything you want to do so painful of a negotiation, you, being male and tempted by the path of least resistance, will stop working so hard to get what you want. What do you do then? Take a stand. Make her mad, hell, make her cry. Do what you want and stick by your guns.
Last Note

I know that this all seems harsh. But remember, most of us are the same. If we change our behavior, it is only until we can't take it any longer and leave the relationship. Then we go right back to doing what we want.

What happens if she goes to a new guy? He's probably just like you. We're mostly the same. Same desires, habits, and behaviors. They have convinced you that they have been able to CHANGE some of us. That there is competition now for their attention. Bullshit. Face reality, and more importantly, make women face reality. We're here, and we're sick of being "rehabilitated" from our maleness.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Women marrying into big money = High Dollar Hooker

Yes, the tag line is true. Ladies, if you marry a guy that's 800 times your age that just happens to be super wealthy, OR if you marry a guy that looks like Rush Limbaugh that happens to be super wealthy, you are a HIGH DOLLAR HOOKER!

Sorry to be direct, but like the article below suggests, women have very distinct agendas in every action, thought, and communication they make with the outside world. This girl was aware and focused on marrying money since at least Junior High.

Just because you only serve one client, doesn't make you less of a hooker. Now I'm not bashing hookers, I wish there was more of them and they were legal! But these women, like any con artist, love to talk about love having no boundaries and they see what's beautiful inside. Bullshit.

By the way, I think these girls need good pimps! How about an "agent" for these girls to help them negotiate terms. At least it would have an official feel and there would be less bullshit surrounding the transaction. I have to go.. I need to start a new business real quick.

Monday, May 14, 2007

What a deal...

Now this is the kind of deal that seems equitable to everyone. He's 4000 years old, but as my good buddy Tom Leykis decrees, you get the woman you can afford. He can afford this one... I would have done it sans the 3 year old kid, but what can I tell you.

You have to give this chick credit. She told her JUNIOR HIGH teacher she was going to marry rich, and she was right on the money. My favorite part of this article though concerns the comments listed in the article.

But on the next bar stool, her husband, Andy, groans about the third marriage of Mr. Hardy, founder of 84 Lumber who developed Nemacolin Woodlands and Resort.

"It's a big joke. You have money and you can afford to buy people."

Now that comment is from a MAN. Not a real one of course, but still. This sounds like the typical resentment some men have because they DON'T have the money and they CAN'T afford the woman they want.

The rest of the comments are fairly positive. Let's face it, most people are fine with the unsaid arrangement between men and women. We need young, attractive mates, and they need support and stability.

Now here's something interesting. If he would have paid this woman $500 for a few hours of her time, he'd be a criminal detested by those same supporters listed in the article. But you can profess the magical "love" word, pay half of everything you own, and the Oprah crowd will tickle your balls while your going Greek on her. It's not about paying for it, it seems to be a sensitivity to how much and how long you pay for it. No Lease A Piece option available, you have to buy.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Modern emasculation gone amuk!

I realize that modern women want to emasculate the population as quickly as possible, but this tactic seems a bit extreme. Also, why do dogs get blamed for everything?

Mom Accused Of Cutting Son's Genitals, Blaming Dog

This woman has raised the man hating bar to new heights. Baby Man Hating. Do not confuse this with Baby Momma Man Hating, which is different, but I'm not clear on why just yet.

The Baby Man Hating group is a growing legion of extremists that think current feminist groups are too light on the high crime of man being. Their goal is to create a subservient society of genital free slaves to hold purses and shopping bags in the mall. The trend is frightening. Be careful tiny man readers..

MORE TO COME, including a regular featurette here on Estrogen Free. We collect the worst hair salon names from all over the country.